The Beginning....or the middle

How can I tell if I am young or old? To my children I am old. These cute kids were discussing how old their parents are, and one of the younger ones insisted I was at least 90. So to them, I am old. When I talk to my grandmother, who is 87, she will tell me I don't know what being old means. And if I think my body feels stiff and tired now, just wait a few more decades and I will really know what being old feels like. She would say she is old, and I am not old, yet. I am past the age my mother was when I got married. I thought of her as getting up there in age. I was getting married so that would make her practically a grandmother. Isn't that old?

Here's the thing...In my head I swear I am just 18. I can feel insecure, unsure, and unprepared. I don't have all the answers. I can't fix everything. I am still so young and have so much to learn. Can I please look to someone older and feel the reassurance that everything will be fine? I want to still be pretty and energetic. And I love feeling in love. I want to have all the possibilities that life can offer me just ahead and around the corner. And I want to be able to do or be anything I want, because I am young and invincible. Oh the power of youth!

Then I check the reality of the time line. I am in the middle. I look back and wonder about the "could have beens" and the "what has beens". I look forward and realize that the middle is just that...the middle not the end! I may not have world recognized accomplishments, but have lived, breathed air, birthed children, acted respectably, managed a home, and most of all kept from drowning in all that life washes over me. I am alive and well. And I get to decide that the middle is a good place to be, looking backwards and forwards with the maturity of a little life lived and also still remembering the passion of youth. I can take a deep breath and keep living.

Well, short skirts are out thanks to varicose veins. I think 10 pm is the new midnight. But I can still keep up with the best of you. I can text and twitter and lol at your jokes. Life is good at any age.